Saturday, May 29, 2010

pretty words....


i so dislike the pretty words
why can't everyone just be honest
the little white lie
no matter how small
and seemingly innocent
will sooner or later
be found out
and then the original hurt
is amplified...

Thursday, May 27, 2010


i hate this
so out of the blue
to feel so great and
now to be heading toward
the edge with such a sense
of helplessness
unable to stop the slide
i haven't felt this way in months
not since the little white happiness
became a part of daily life

i know my life circumstances are a mess
but the hormones must have
taken a sharp turn to nowhere
to get me to this place
so now i wait and hope
that my days don't get too dark
i write, i exercise and eat the proper foods
all in an effort to regain my footing
to stop the slide...

*bear with me as i work through the dark times
i don't like posting negative thoughts
all of the time, but this is part of the reason
i wanted to start this blog...to give voice to,
what is for some of us, the reality of midlife

Monday, May 24, 2010

loneliness...


thinking about
loneliness lately...

i feel it more in these
warming days of spring and summer
seeing couples everywhere
girlfriends hanging out
moms with kids
playing in the park

i am determined to
push through it
to concentrate on
all that is good
in my life
and to reach out

to start truly
living...

Thursday, May 20, 2010

s_x...

so...i had an offer today
i should be flattered
and i am
but i'm also not

it's nice to be wanted
especially when you're
fifty something...
to still be considered hot
is a pretty fine feeling

but i want more
i want to be wanted
not only for the outside
but also for what's inside
(i know my inside is
pretty damn fabulous!)

& i knew that wasn't
part of the offer
so i passed
i will wait,
& look forward to the day
the right offer comes along

*to the powers that be...please let me still
want sex when that day comes to pass!

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

damage control.....

i find myself needing to do
a little damage control
my wacked out hormones
and wildly swinging moods
created a crazy person in my body
who seems to have been
hell bent on trashing
a friendship i truly treasured

why? who knows
bad timing i guess
but now when the real me
comes back i will try
to undo the damage...
oh the joys of life at fifty

Sunday, May 16, 2010

tough times...

feeling bitchy
feeling blue
it hit me head on
stayed with me
all day

it's been
awhile
since i've had
one this bad

time has
made me more aware
so i recognize
it for what
it is

and curl into
myself
to keep
my world safe

Friday, May 14, 2010

maybe just for a moment.....

image found via tumblr.com

we should consider not that we are
male or female, young or old,
black or white, christian or non christian,
conservative or liberal, educated or uneducated,
rich or poor, gay or straight...

but maybe upon awakening each day,
just for a moment we should each consider
that we are first and foremost
human beings...

with the same basic needs~
air to breathe, food to eat,
clean water to drink,
the need for love and for touch...

maybe if we each started our day
with this one small thought and carried
it with us throughout our waking hours
then maybe we each could make,
in some small way, a positive change in our world...

Thursday, May 13, 2010

food for thought....


Image found via Everything Fabulous on tumblr

i love
the days
i feel great~
strong, confident,
capable, sexy~
open to all
possibilities~
positive
there ARE
possibilities~
maybe
we need
the bad days
to fully
appreciate
the great
days....

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

dreaming of....


photo found via blessedwildapplegirl.tumblr.com

travel
to destinations
exotic & romantic
the spicy scents
of a dusty marketplace
vivid color
raining on me
from every direction
the texture
of fabric
begging me
to reach out
& touch
sparks of
sunlight
dancing off
metal & glass
the music
of a hundred
voices
speaking
lyrics i cannot
understand
the energy
of the place
fills me
as my senses
revel in
the magic
& wonder
of it all...

Monday, May 10, 2010

i am...

not shallow or superficial
not vain or conceited
not a diva or high maintenance

i take care of myself
inside and out
and sometimes
it would be
so much easier
not to
but i do it

is it wrong of me
to expect
the same
in someone else
in someone
that i am meeting
in the hope
of finding
a partner

what is inside
is ultimately
the most important
part of us
but the package
certainly
gets the door open

is it wrong
of me
to expect
a pretty package
in return?

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Feeling "off"....

sometimes
i just start feeling
so "off"
tonight
was one of those
times
cruising along
feeling fine
all day
and then
wham!
feeling
off kilter
not quite
right
not the darkness
again
but not
the bright light
i hate
feeling this way....

Friday, May 7, 2010

Wanderlust....

i believe
i was born
with my soul
holding
a passport
waiting to be stamped~~

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Do Overs....

So windy and cold and grey. It looks and feels more like fall today than spring. I almost wish it were...I sometimes wish time could be turned back. So many things to relive, to do over and try to get right. Not that I want to live my life filled with regrets, but a second shot at somethings, good and bad, would be nice. Maybe it's a matter of bettering my karma in this life rather than trying again in another.

Yet, I look back over the years and I don't find any real deep regrets. Certainly things that I can see now that could have been handled in better ways or opportunities missed that shouldn't have been or words spoken...or not, but it all adds up to my life, my journey. It's what makes me uniquely me, and I like myself. So it is what is. Forgive and forget, love and cherish all of the fragments that make up my life.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

This is my all....




I take no credit for this photo, only the words. I found it online but unfortunately I don't recall where or who it is by. Click on it to view closer.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Midlife....

Midlife for me(as it is for so many people but especially for women) has been such a period of questioning...,my life, my beliefs, my faith, what I am doing, where I am going, etc. At times it has been extremely difficult, especially those dark times when the hormones were at play,and before I knew exactly what was going on. Other times have been good. I have recognized the growth and change that I am experiencing,as for the best. I have come to realize that it's what is meant to be, to make it possible for me to become completely the me I am supposed to be.

But it is also a period of our lives that we don't talk about much, and as women we should. If it prepares those coming behind us for the possibilities of the road ahead, then our experiences will have been doubly worth it. Had I known what could possibly be in front of me, maybe the dark times wouldn't have been so dark. I know that everyone's path through these years is different, but just being aware of what others have gone through would at least have provided some "beware of" signs. Yes, there are books to read, but we still need the conversations,the real life experiences of women we know...

Monday, May 3, 2010

Road Trips...

Blue skies and warm sunny days have me longing for a road trip, a trip to anywhere but here. The peace and calm of the road, the feeling that the world is wide open to me and I can go anywhere, be anything. The road stretching off into the horizon just like my possibilities...limitless. So many opportunities for new sights, sounds,and adventures around every curve in the road. I want to follow that road and see where it takes me, see who I am and who I become. I want the change that occurs with each mile I travel, opening me up, freeing me from the boundaries imposed by life and by myself. I want the endless road, endless dreams, endless possibilities...

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Youth

If we only understood during the carefree summer days of our youth how truly fleeting those moments were, would we pay more attention, try to slow time down, savor the seconds...? Our would we still fill our days to overflowing? To hurry and grow up?

Quiet...

I am in a period of deep quiet and stillness, trying to listen to the whisperings of my soul.