Sunday, December 18, 2011

slowing down...

like bare branches
whispering in
the breeze
sharing secrets
with anyone
that will listen
i am slowing down
hoping to hear
the secrets
of my soul

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

do not judge me...

do not judge me
until you have walked
in my shoes
and felt the pain gripping
my heart
as i held my babies
breathing in their
beautiful sweetness
knowing that my goodbye
was taking me away
for hours, or days
or sometimes even weeks

do not judge me
until you have felt
the depths of my guilt
and tasted the salt
of my tears
shed as mile after mile
separated me from
those two cherished
pieces of my heart

so many fleeting moments
i've missed
never to have
a second chance
lost forever

so do not judge me
unless you've lived
my heartache, my agony
and still find me
at fault

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

blessed...


in you
i
see the dreams
of my yesterdays
and
the reasons
for my
tomorrows

i am blessed...

Thursday, September 29, 2011

today....

as this little one is getting ready to celebrate her HS Senior Homecoming...
wishing
i
could
turn back time

so
that
i
could
stop

and breathe in
the
moments...

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

listen...

you've told me
in so many
subtle and silent ways
that we would
never be

and in my darkness
i know i heard
but chose not
to listen

now my light
is getting stronger
and i find myself
listening and accepting
that we will
never be...

Saturday, August 13, 2011

another offer

i had another offer last night
one that was so very hard
to refuse
but i held strong
determined not to give in
to the moment-
and today i was hit
once again
with the reality
of the situation
the offer did not come
with all that i truly desire
and i doubt it ever will...

man and machine


i see you ride by
man and machine
out searching for answers
seeking your peace~
you ride her well
that machine
thighs holding her close
you instinctively know
every move she needs
every sound she makes
attuned to her every nuance
like a well-practiced lover~
perhaps that machine
is your one and only
the only mistress
you will ever truly love
the one constant in your life
always~

Sunday, August 7, 2011

today...

wondering....
why I accept the b.s. in my life

needing...
to stop

fearing...
the return of the darkness

feeling...
so numb inside

missing...
my passion

Saturday, August 6, 2011

trust

trust is a funny thing...
how is it that
i trust your opinion
& i trust your judgment
(most of the time)
i trust you to protect me
i trust you with my life
i trust your word
but i do not trust your words
i trust you with my body
but i cannot trust you
with my heart
will that ever change...
i can put my life in your hands
but not my heart~

Sunday, July 31, 2011

memories...


caught in the web
of your memories
unable to explore
the beauty of today
or the possibilities
of tomorrow
how do you escape
the fine threads
that bind you so tightly
to a past that is
long gone
never to be lived again...

Saturday, July 9, 2011


delete...
so what if
in life
you could just
hit delete
how great
would that be
bad day @ work
hit delete
bad choice in love
delete
you never made
that choice
you never had
that heartache
that twisted and clenched
and made you cry
but yet
if you hit
delete
what lessons
have you learned
what memories
have you stored
to examine
or savour
on some distant
rainy day
none...
but i still find
delete
a tempting choice!!!!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

i've been missing you...

http://picturepush.com/+AeHf

i've been missing you again
this week
the feeling has been gripping
my heart
crawling into my throat
constricting me
i don't know why
it's back again
this missing you
perhaps because i sense
the letting go
i have no choice
the fingers of my feelings
are slowly being pried open
loosening my connection
to you
i don't know what else to do
i've tried to hold on
for so long now
so many times you've walked away
but this time
i know it's time
for me to let go
i cannot do it anymore
not by myself
and so i'm missing you
it's filling me
with sadness
overwhelming me at times
maybe someday
you'll be missing me
and come looking
but i cannot
keep waiting
and so i'm missing you
as i slowly let you go...


Friday, June 17, 2011

this place i love


i come here so often
looking for answers
hoping to hear what i am seeking
in the whispering branches
my place of peace and escape
my secure place
where time stands still
and i am free to dream and wander
i wander thru the past
venturing into dark cobwebby corners
and down sun washed roads
reliving, reminiscing, reevaluating
choices, decisions, events
my dreams give light and hope to the future
they make me feel that there is still time
time to do it right
to get it done
to just plain live
and live fully with no holds barred
this place gives me strength
i draw it from the trees
that have withstood
a hundred years of storms
winds whipping their branches
and caressing their leaves
and i draw it from the moving waters
of the river
constantly in motion
sometimes barely moving
other times flowing fast and strong
pushing fallen trees in it’s wake
the only thing missing
from this place i love
is the endless horizon i crave
this is where my true strength and energy gets refilled
wide open spaces touch my soul
in a way nothing else does
be it at the oceans edge
a mountain top
or the rolling prairie
yes even the wide open expanses of the prairie
can restore me and bring the world
into perspective
i am reminded once again
of the vastness and wonder of our world
and the tiny part of it that is me
i am because the world is here
and the world will be here
long after i am gone
and once again life is good~
deb

Saturday, March 5, 2011

it's been 21 years....


21 years since the first
most amazing
day of my life
21 years of so many
joys, and just a few
heartaches
for 21 years i have been
constantly amazed by you
and for 21 years i have
been filled with awe & wonder
that you were given to me
to shepherd through the years
to nurture and hold in trust
until this, the first day
of your 21st year, arrived
i am so proud of the
beautiful & strong young woman
you have become
happy birthday babe!
i love you
mom

Saturday, February 12, 2011

flowing ice, taken by aspen jan 09

wishing....
for sunshine & warmth
wishing...
for creativity to flow

feeling....
the crisp, damp cold
feeling....
peaceful inside

loving...
the imperfect beauty that is the
wonderland outside my window
loving...
the place i am at
within me

Sunday, January 2, 2011

a vow....


and in the end,
all i can do is try~
try my best
and my best
will change from
time to time~
to be the me
i want to be
to live the life
i want to live

no beating myself up
over aging~
thank god i'm alive~
i cannot expect to be
the me i was
even a couple of years ago~
time happened
and cannot be erased

i've lived and experienced
and learned from life
i cannot change that
nor do i want to~

i will cherish me
i will push myself
to stretch
but i will also
cut me some slack...