A Story of Transition

It is my feeling that most people do not personally know a trans person or may not be aware that they do. This makes trans people a vague idea rather than a living, breathing person. So with that in mind, I want to share my family’s story…

My trans child is my first born. They were born two months early but healthy and the NICU stay was short. Down the road, when they came out, I wondered if being a preemie had a role in it as I know the gender specific hormones don’t kick in until later in development. I’ve never come across any studies regarding the possibility.

My beautiful child was happy, intelligent, gifted, creative, well-adjust, social, and had a heart of gold from day one. As a 3-4 year old they were protecting playmates in preschool who got picked on. This has continued throughout their life. 

We lived in the country and so my kids grew up playing outside immersed in creative play, making up stories and acting them out. 

They played boy roles, did “boy” things, played “girl” roles did “girly” things. 

Middle school and high school found my child competing in cross country and track, they had a large social circle and dated. Never did I see signs that there was anything not quite right.

It was in college that they came out as gay. I didn’t skip a beat as oddly enough I had contemplated this possibility long before I considered having children. 

After college they joined the military during the Obama administration, and ended up based in California so our time together was limited. In December of 2016 we were having a phone conversation and their voice sounded different, they blamed it on a cold. In March of 2017 they came out to us by writing a beautiful letter explaining everything and sending us each books on the subject of being trans. They started educating us immediately. 

I was scared for my child and worried sick. Why had I never seen any signs? How could I not have known something was not quite right? The first thing I did was make an appointment for myself with a therapist who worked with the LGBTQIA community specializing in gender. I did this to inform myself. To ask questions. To calm my fears. I learned every trans person’s experience is different, there are no hard and fast signs or steps in the discovery and the journey. The one thing that stands out from that conversation is this: no one “ chooses” to be trans. Who would choose such a difficult life with so much misunderstanding and outright hostility?

I went to California in May of that year, seeing my child for the first time. I will be honest, it was difficult and felt awkward. They looked completely different from when I had last seen them. They had fully crossed the spectrum within 6 months of starting hormone therapy. 

It took only a few hours of being together for me to realize this was still the child I had always known and loved, although there was a difference as well. Trans people truly blossom and come fully into themselves when given the opportunity to transition into who they are meant to be. I could see the beautiful difference in my child. It’s hard to describe but it’s absolutely there. 

I did not realize it was possible to love my children more than I already did but in these early moments my mama heart became a very fierce mama bear heart. 

So much emotion goes into this transition for the entire family. Dreams and plans change. Names and pronouns change. Simple things like family photos become a concern or should we bring up old memories, what about extended family and friends…we get through it by loving unconditionally, by being fully accepting and supportive. And by learning everything we can. 

One of the best experiences of my life has been being able to talk with parents who are just starting out on this journey, particularly with their older children. Every journey is different, I can only share our journey but if it makes a difference in anyone else’s, I’m here for it.

It is through our stories, that we find understanding, compassion, empathy, and connection. We become human beings to one another. It is my hope that in this small glimpse into my family’s experience, I have given you something of value, a learning experience, hope for your own journey, or acknowledgment that  you are not alone. I see you, I hear you, I believe in you. There is so much more I could say but I will leave it at this for now…

Peace & Love

Wandering Rose